Some things that will have to happen before I go to college:

1. Rest.

One of the biggest reasons I have no desire to go to school right now is even thinking about it makes me tired, emotionally and physically. I see how hard my friends work and I don't think I have the strength for that right now.

2. Money.

I need to figure out how to pay for it, which I suppose means that I need to find a job that I could stand working while I save.

My current job does not fit that bill.

Also, student loans really, really, really scare me. Really.

3. Research.

I want to go to school for photography - this much I know. Pretty much everything else is up in the air right now. I don't know if I should go to art school or a university, I don't know how my portfolio stacks up against other applicants and I don't even know what part of the country I'd like to be in.

4. Enthusiasm.

This is, by far, the most important ingredient that I'm missing. Once I get excited, I can force myself to make the other things happen. But right now the prospect is more daunting then exciting.

Anyway, this is a short list I've come up with. As I write this, here at work, I'm thinking about how I'd much rather be in a photography class then talking about PCI compliance, and that gets me a little excited about the idea of school.

So, is school in my future? I truly have no idea. In the mean time I'm working on my portfolio and trying to figure out how to get more work and exposure.

So, you know, I guess we'll see.


  1. This sounds like how I was feeling before I went to grad school.

    Rest - One of the big reasons I didn't go right after undergrad.

    Money - You *should* be scared of student loans. ;) (My monthly loan payment is almost double your rent.) It's too bad there isn't some sort of pay-as-you-go option.

    Research - Did you ever re-apply to that photographers forum? They might have some good advice regarding your portfolio.

    Enthusiasm - This could have to do with #1, as well.

  2. No, I haven't reapplied to that forum yet. I feel like I've got a lot of options/things to do for photography right now, but they all take a certain amount of concentration. Right now I'm trying to get a physical portfolio together, after that maybe I'll go for that forum again.

    I think enthusiasm has to do with rest too. I'm just not sure how to get enough rest again.

    The thing about money is I really, really don't want to have a huge amount of debit hanging over my head. Photojournalism is not going to be a lucrative career and I don't want to have to pick stories based on how much I think I'll make.

  3. Have you thought about asking Mom's advice on getting more rest / energy?